Oh how the world changes

I'm not blogging as much any more. For more info you can find me on twitter.

mountains fall over me

We just got back from a business trip to Yosemite today. This was the third time we've done this trip in four years. Its hard to put into words how inspiring it is, surrounded by these huge walls of granite, cradled in forests and beautiful meadows, full of ponds and waterfalls. It is a place full of awe. For the first time we walked to the bottom of Yosemite Falls. From afar it looks so delicate but up close it is violent and overwhelming. You can hardly look at it for more than a few seconds because the force of the water falling creates a wind that literally takes your breath away.

I couldn't help but feel like when I was there I was in the hand of God. Something so beautiful and fragile, but overwhelming and impervious. At any moment I felt like I could be crushed under the weight of it all. Like the gigantic walls of granite would fall around me, squeezing the inconsequential life out of me. But at the same time I felt so alive being there. It seems like there is something liberating about letting go of control and trusting. God is wild and cannot be tamed. I think I'm learning that truth and it is both terrible and wonderful. He is here and cannot be contained.

I think I need to learn to receive love. I am tired of being so self-conscious. I'm tired of feeling regretful and stupid. I want to be full and free, able to love others without considering what love I need. I can't imagine how liberating that would be.

what is this great gravity

Bloggin is one of those things that seems so cool, but when it comes to practice, is so difficult. Anyways, I don't have much more to say about that.

Things have been fair as of late. Unfortunately, everyone is getting sick, including my lovely wife who has been sick for the last 7 days. I think that she had a regular cold that turned into a bit of bronchitis. The incessant coughing is hard on her poor, fragile self. Its also causing us both to have trouble sleeping. I wish it were me that was sick. I don't mind it so much and seem to handle it better in general. But I suppose that's not possible. So not much I can do there.

Poker's been going ok. Just getting used to the swings is trying as times. Its only going to get worse as well as I move up in the stakes. All the while I have to step back and ask myself, is this really what I want?

I am such a self-conscious person, it drives me nuts. So much of the time I just exist without any exertion of myself because either I'm lazy, or more commonly, I am so worried about what other people think. You watch shows like Curb Your Enthusiasm where the lead character, Larry David, is made out to be a bit of an asshole, primarily because he always tends to just say what he really wants to say. Granted, what he wants to say is enough to make him an asshole, but I wonder what would happen if I went around just saying what I really wanted or thought. Does tact make you less of a person? I doubt it, but its worth considering.

we're not using wild fire on lady liberty

Hello world. Yesterday was a bad day. Here's a good/bad list to help you see why.

Good list
I have an awesome wife and I got to be with her.
We had a yummy dinner of Panda Express.
We watched more episodes of the first season of 30 Rock, which Catherine got me for Easter.

Bad list
I had a horrible poker day, losing $750 on the day, the second worse online one-day loss I've had.
My dog Amelia ate my new Toms shoes.
We drove all the way to TJ Max to buy this rug we wanted only to find that it had been sold (this is the second time in two days that we've driven out to TJ Max to no avail).
Even though we got Panda, we wanted Alamo Palace which is just the best food ever.

So, as you can see, there are three things on the good list and four things on the bad list. Clearly four is more than three. Therefore yesterday can be classified as a bad day.

Fat Cat on the Fridge

Lately I've become infused with a sense of...how shall I put this...um...perhaps flair? I don't know the word, but basically I realized that it seems like I've been living a plain life for some time, which isn't bad, because my plain life is good. But after a while I start to wonder if perhaps living plainly makes me miss some things that would enhance my life. So, in order to combat this plainness, I've been trying to do more fun, adventurous things (I use that word very loosely). For example, on Friday Catherine and I drove all the way up to Sacramento to go see a rock show, featuring Norma Jean. It was a really fun show overall. The venue was all ages and most of the bands playing were of the screamo variety, which is popular with the kids, so there were a lot of silly, awkward kids there. But it was fun none the less. Norma Jean definitely put on a good show.

In other news, while teaching a class on Thursday I received an instant message from Aaron "WiltOnTilt" Wilt, who is the coach of my poker coach, and a really nice guy. He asked me if I'd like to be in a poker video on Deucescracked.com with him. I was pretty excited about this, seeing as how this means that hundreds to thousands of poker players will be reviewing my play, listening to my thoughts, and hopefully learning what to or what not to do. So I recorded a session of me playing 4 tables of 200nl (not my normal stake) and we then recorded the two of us watching the session and discussing my plays. If anyone's interested in watching here's the link. You have to be a DC member I think, but they probably still have the promotion where you can sign up for 7 days free or something, if you just want to watch the one video. Or just contact me and I may be able to help you out.

I've realized lately how much I've missed in my life because of shyness and self-conciousness. It reminds me of something my dad told me call the Abilene Paradox. Two best friends from high school and college went their own ways after school. One moved to New York and became very successful and the other stayed in Abilene, and while he was not as successful as his city friend, he made a decent living. After years of not seeing each other the friend in New York plans a trip to go see his long lost buddy. He flies to Abilene and the two friends meet after many years. They go out to a field on a clear, beautiful night where you can see millions of stars and just talk and enjoy the view. After a short while though the Abilene friend thinks to himself "I'm really enjoying this, but this guy is used to the fast paced life of New York, he's probably getting bored". So he says to his friend "hey, why don't we go out to a bar or go see a movie or something?" His New York friend thinks to himself "I'm really enjoying this peace and quiet and catching up with my buddy, but he probably gets to see this view all the time, so he's probably sick of it" and he agrees to go out on the town. In the end neither friend does what they really want to do because neither one had the guts to speak up. I wonder how different my life would be if I remembered that.

Well, color me white

This weekend my father and I painted some more of our bedroom. The first time we painted the walls and it wasn't so bad. This time we painted the ceiling and trim and I got covered in paint. the first time we painted I didn't mind it at all. This time it wasn't so fun. Oh well. The room looks pretty good though. I can't wait until we get the rest of the house painted. Its going to look so nice.

March is coming to an end and boy was it a swingy month for poker. I've played almost 30,000 hands of poker online this month. I started the month by being hit with the boomswitch, meaning I couldn't lose a pot. In the first 10,000 hands I won $1400 at 100nl. However, the next 10,000 hands things didn't go so well. I not only lost back everything I won, but I also lost an additional $600. The last 10,000 hands things have mostly turned around, somewhat back to normal and now I'm up about $400 on the month, which isn't that impressive, but after a rough month I'm happy for the win. According to my new poker tracking software I should be up over $1000, so its pretty clear I've had the shit kicked out of me. But wow, a $2k swing in one month. Crazy stuff. Now, hopefully, on to winning.

In other news, I was able to basically set up my guitar amp and play a little rock and roll the other day. My amp needs some repairs because the clean channel isn't working. But at least it still works. It felt good to play some real music after only playing Rock Band for so long. I look forward to playing more and more. Amen.

I started school last week. The first class I have to take is just a general class about coming back to school and how to study and set goals and crap like that. Seriously, it is a huge waste of time overall. I may be able to pull a few nuggets out of it, but as of right now its just annoying. Oh well, only a few more weeks of this then its on to my real courses. Hopefully those won't be as inane.

try the veal

So I'm sick as a dog (are dogs really sick? where did that phrase come from?). I haven't been sick is a while and this especially was a little brutal for a few hours. However, I'm starting to come out of it now, no small thanks to my precious wife. Now we're just sitting in the bed watching The Godfather, a classic, classic movie, while Catherine reads gossip things on the internet. Relaxing. Peaceful.

I finally broke down and set up Microsoft Windows on my computer so I could run Holdem Manager, a software program that tracks online poker play to the gnats behind (I think I understand that phrase). This program will let me know how often I do everything, and how often my opponents do everything. All this so I can locate "leaks" or poor play in my game and my opponents games that make me lose money. I will plug my leaks and I will exploit the leaks of my opponents. This is really just a long winded way to say that this new program will make me a poker ninja. So watch out bitches!

Right before I got this program though I had my worst single day downswing ever. I lost 9 and half buy ins at 100nl. Which, for those who don't know, means I lost $950. Pretty brutal, but I went over the hand histories of the big pots with my poker coach and all the big losses were standard hands, nothing I could do. I was surprised at how not utterly pissed off I was at the time. It was frustrating, mind you, but not devastating. This is why we have poker bankrolls that are sufficient for the game you're playing. Swizzle dizzle.

Enough pish posh. Time for rest.

ps. a guy online called me "fils de pute". I love this game.

garfunkeling

I miss my old friend Ben Heywood. I used to be so intimidated by him when we first met because he was so damn cool. As I got to know him though I found him to be a great friend. Since I've moved back up to Northern California from Pasadena we haven't kept in touch and I regret that.

One thing I remember that Ben taught me was to always consider the "why" when you write something. I was speaking with him about a paper I was writing for a college course I was taking and he told me that the best thing he learned about writing was to ask why someone would want to read what you're writing, what's the point. That's something to consider when writing my blogs. Note to self: some people read this thing, which is a good thing. Why would they want to keep reading?

I used to keep good records of all of my poker playing, both live and online. I found that tedious and it was difficult, using the system I used, to differentiate between my live results, which tended to be larger swings, versus my online results, which had smaller swings. Now I just use a poker software program to help me keep track of my online results only, and it does an excellent job of that.

One thing I noticed while reviewing my results is the effect variance can have on short term results. Variance, in the manner in which I'm using it, is a statistics term. Technically it means "a quantity equal to the square of the standard deviation". Most of us don't know what that means, and even if we did it might not be useful. Perhaps a better definition is "the difference between actual and expected costs, profits, output, etc., in a statistical analysis". What this means is that sometimes your actual results, in poker specifically, especially in the short term, are sometimes different than your expected results. Take a look at the following graph:

This is a graph of a very swing-y time in my poker playing. Its over a period of about 18,000 hands, which is the equivalent of about 3 months of live poker playing.

Now look at this graph:


This is my overall graph as of yesterday. You'll see the sample of the first graph in the center. Notice how the huge peaks and valleys of the first graph seem more tame in the second one. This is variance. In the short term the swings are larger, because variance has more of an effect. But in the longer term variance has less of an impact and the truth comes out. In this case its clear that this is the graph of a winning player, whereas the first graph was unclear.

So what's the point? A brag post, obviously.

No. Poker is like life. Variance affects us all. Sometimes, in the moment, all we see is the negative, the reasons why what we're doing won't work, the excuses why we are failures. But when you push through the negative and look at the larger picture I think we'll see the truth. Now, variance works both ways. Sometimes success falls like manna from heaven, but that doesn't mean it was deserved. In poker we say that you're running "above expectation". The big picture tells the truth, in either case. So perhaps we should focus not on short term results, but on what we're doing to produce results. If what we're doing is the right thing the results shouldn't matter, because, in the long run, our output will match our input.

This reminds me of something else that Ben taught me. Sad times are usually consciously experienced in the moment, whereas happy times are usually consciously experienced in retrospect. Its easy to identify when we're down, but not as easy to identify when we're happy, in the moment. What if we changed that? What if we tried to focus on identifying the happy times while we're living them? Maybe we'd learn to savor those times in the moment and make them last.

CSP

so i've already achieved one of my new years resolutions. yesterday i took a 4 and half hour long test in order to qualify me as a Certified Safety Professional. the certification is basically to the safety profession what a certified professional accountant (CPA) is to the accounting industry. needless to say, i'm kind of a big deal now. the test was grueling though. 10 questions into it i had the sinking feeling that is associated with all of my confidence being flushed down the toilet. alas, i pressed on and, ultimately, pervailed. i believe it was the great philospher kant who described it best when he said "boo yah".

now i'm just sitting on my bed on saturday morning (i can never really sleep in anymore), listening to my dogs play, making sounds like chewbacca (the dogs, not me). our new dog, amelia, is coming along nicely. she's rather well behaved for a pup and very sweet. isabelle, our other dog, just adores her. so that's going nicely.

today, we have another day of working on the house in store for us. we are rapidly approaching the day when we can start painting, which will be oh so nice and really make this place seem like our own. i also expect to hear on my tax return soon. hopefully we just get oodles and oodles of money that we can put into the house and maybe we'll have this thing in shape faster than the biggest loser.

in other news: i'm addicted to rock band. and i miss dexter.

if you're excited for the watchmen coming out in one week, raise your hand. *hand up*

things that poker has given me

I always talk about how bad I'm doing in poker but I rarely share what my poker winnings have allowed me to purchase over the tenure of my poker playing life. So, without further adieu, here's a short list of the things that I can remember that poker has bought for me:

• My dog Amelia and possibly Isabelle, although I can't remember for sure.
  
• All of my tattoos that I've paid for (the two on the back of my arm I got for free while on tour).
• All of Catherine's tattoos.
  
• Rock Band 2 (just got it yesterday).
• Quite a few bottles of whiskey.
• We've used our poker bankroll to get us out of some financial binds before. Can't remember specifics.
• Numerous articles of clothing for my lovely wife.

That's all I can remember, although there's probably more. If I had to guess I'd say that I've bought upwards of $5k worth of things using my poker money. So, when I complain about losing a few hundred here and there (like I did yesterday), its good to keep in perspective.

vegas days 3, 4, and home

So I didn't get a chance to blog about the other days in Vegas, which is fine I think because not too much happened. I didn't run very well this trip and I also didn't play my "A" game a lot, but Catherine did well and more than made up for it, so we left up $300. Last night, we decided to have our Valentines dinner at BLT Burgers at the Mirage, which has some great food and these spiked milkshakes which are, um, fucking amazing. Afterwards we just decided to gamble up a little and play some casino games. I played literally two hands of blackjack before I lost my portion of the money. Catherine was able to turn $40 into $100 in video poker after getting dealt quad 3's on a quarter machine, which was sweet.

Overall, it was a fun trip. The interesting thing about this trip that we'll remember is the people we met. First, Jared, Aaron, and the Doc, in addition to Puke Green Sweater, the guy I talked about on the day 1 blog. Then the next day we sat next to Crack Head McGee. Day 3 we were introduced to this bald real estate appraiser who was very nice, terrible at poker, and very, very annoying. Plus he ran like god and couldn't lose, which was terribly annoying. Finally on the last day I sat at a table at the Rio and noticed that the gentleman in seat was the actor who plays Angel Batista from the show Dexter. He was a really cool guy, but didn't stay long, as he had to play in the daily tournament (or he was just freaked out by me and found and excuse to leave). Its ok though because we were left with this vindictive bitch of a lady who sat next to us who called me a "fucker" when I beat her out of a pot, and then sat out to miss her big blind just so Catherine and I couldn't play one more hand before we left. All this after I stood up for her earlier when another player started berating her. Its ok, she was obviously an idiot, studying scientology at the table, talking with another player about how she will get tax breaks because the FBI and CIA know that Scientology are true and how she prefers MSNBC because they support Obama and that makes them not biased. Brilliant.

Anyways, its good to be home. Our dogs are oh so tired after a fun time with the crazy bulldog winifred. Now we're all just relaxing, watching the NBA All Star game, and waiting for our yummy pizza to arrive.

vegas day 2

Our second day in vegas started with me heading sleepily to my seminar. Nothing really interesting to report on that. Its basically just a review of the same material, although a little more in depth, that I learned studying for my last certification. After the class I headed back to see my lovely lady and we went down to have a burger dinner at a restaurant in the Rio. Afterwards we headed to the poker room to play some cards and crush some donkeys. Started off good, taking a donkey to value town with ak vs kq on a king high board. He gave me all of his chips. Then just kind of chipped up until I hit kind of a rough hand that I probably shouldn't have been in. Left the night down slightly. However Catherine hit the boom switch and left way up, so we're up quite a bit on the trip, which is nice.

We had fun playing though because we were both a little more relaxed than we normally are. I don't normally drink when I play, but we decided to partake, just to relax a bit. Interestingly enough, Vegas has cut way down on the liquor they provide. The best bourbon they would get us was Wild Turkey. The next best was Jim Beam. Kind of depressing. Alas, Wild Turkey makes some good bourbon and ginger ales, so our thirst did not go unquenched.

We also sat next to Crack Head McGee for a while. This guy was a total freak, moving erratically, speaking non-sense. And of course he sat next to me, which scared the bejunky out of me because I just knew I'd crack his aces or some stupid hand and he'd freak out on me and in the ensuing melee I'd end up with the AIDS for something like that. Luckily though Catherine busted him and he left without incident.

We didn't stay extremely long, just about 3 or 4 hours, as I was pretty tired. So we grabbed some waters and a small ice cream to share and went up for an early night. Not a bad second day.

vegas day 1

Or, I guess, technically it was Night 1, not Day 1. Anyways, yesterday, after teaching a difficult class in the afternoon, Catherine and I hopped on an evening flight to Las Vegas. The main reason for going is that I'm taking a class in order to prep me for a certification test, the Certified Safety Professional certification. Its kind of a big deal in the safety world, so, it stands to reason, that once I finish this class and take and pass the subsequent test I will be kind of a big deal...in the safety world.

Anyways, the travel experience was super easy and fast. The airports were both very slow so we got on our plane quickly, landed early, got our luggage fast, and didn't even have to wait in line for a cab. We got to the Rio, checked in and then went up to our room for a bit to drop off the luggage and freshen up before going out. My poker coach, randomly, scheduled a trip to Vegas with a couple of his friends, so we decided to hook up after we got in. We got a hold of them and decided to head to the Bellagio to go play some poker. Luckily we all were able to get a table together (5 people) all in a row at the same 1/2 no limit game. It was a lot of fun just drinking, laughing, playing cards, playing the 7-2 game (well, only Catherine played the 7-2 game, the rest of us just paid her for it), and picking on the drunk guy at the table. They even invited me to come out and stay at their house that they are renting during the World Series of Poker for a weekend, which was really cool and an honor.

So the night was a lot of fun, but as a result we ended up staying up a little bit too late, which I'm paying the price for this morning, as I am working on only 4 hours of sleep at this point. Which isn't too bad I guess, but I'm still pretty darn tired. Tonight, once I get out of the class, Catherine and I plan on having a burger dinner and then playing some cards. Our bankroll is really short, so we're going to have to avoid some bad luck in order to not go broke. But I'm not too worried about that. We're definitely big favorites not to go broke, and, even if we do, we can just relax together and have fun and what not. I'm excited to be with her regardless.

all god's children

Another morning starts and I'm sitting here listening to the girls (my dogs) growl and flail in mortal, loving combat with each other while my true love sleeps by my side. So much has happened over the last two weeks, I don't even think I could recount it all in one sitting. Some good, some bad. Some profound, some relatively meaningless.

First off, my grandma passed a week ago. We knew it was coming, but I don't imagine its something that could ever be routine or expected enough to not affect you. To be honest, I knew her, but I didn't know her. We hadn't spoken in a few years, and that's unfortunate. But there's nothing I can do about that now.

We had the funeral service on Wednesday, which was fine. I really dislike funerals. Except for the obvious reasons, I don't like the obligatory nature. People do things because that's what you're supposed to do. Everyone becomes so emotional and instinctual. We come together and pretend to be close to family members that we haven't seen since the last funeral. And we all love each other dearly. Why? Because that is what is expected of family members. Then we must stand a certain way, dress a certain way, and talk a certain way. Why? Because that's what one does at funerals. I wish people would set aside useless traditions, including loving people because it is expected that you will. I wish we would react thoughtfully and deliberately in these situations, to find our truth of our relationships with the departed and those who gather to mourn their passing and celebrate their lives. And when I take over the world I'm going to mandate that this be the case.

We went and saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button last night. It was a charming and compelling movie that really teaches you to check your perspective and try to see what's important. I definitely recommend it. Its a shame that a movie is needed to remind us (me) of truths that we (I) believe to be almost common sense, but, alas, that is what is and I can only make do.

more later.

how great

I'm pretty tired of government bullshit. Listening to how messed up the California state budget is, all this craziness in the Federal government with the stimulus and what not, its frustrating. I understand, I think better than most, that our government was specifically designed to not be efficient, because efficient governments tend to be tyrannical governments. Its just so interesting watching the news while at the same time reading a biography of John Adams. Learning about his vision for our country and the ideals of the other founders, I wonder what he'd say about the state of our government today. And this isn't to suggest that he would necessarily be disgusted, but I just wonder if he'd say that it is our circumstances bearing down on us, or our own foolishness and greed. I just don't understand why everyone, including me, has such a myopic view of life. All we see is our problems, or desires, and we don't see how we all need to sacrifice for the common good. Liberty doesn't work when the free, whether due to malice or misunderstanding, fail to see the greater good of country because of their own immediate needs. I have no solutions, unfortunately, so I suppose that I can't voice my objections too loudly. I just hope that we see some John Adams and Thomas Jeffersons soon otherwise their sacrifice for this great experiment may have been in vain.

Now, one thing I will say is that if my personal policy, the legalization and regulation of online poker, were enacted not only would it not be a negative for the country, it would be a positive. Studies have shown that a regulated and taxed online poker would put billions into the federal coffers every year. Why isn't this happening? Support this.

Probably have more to say but I have to go now.

im thinking of what sarah said

While teaching my class today I was interrupted by my mother who informed me that my Grandmother may not survive the day. She had been sick for quite some time and we knew that it was only a matter of time, but we didn't think it would be so soon (I suppose one never does).

Luckily I was able to find a replacement instructor to teach the second half of the class and I went off to pick up my wife and head for the hospital. I hate hospitals, especially this one. This is the hospital that seems to only herald loss. Regardless, this is where we are, discussing how she will be kept alive until more family can come to say goodbye. How morbid and strange. I'm not really sure how to take it all in.

ghey

So my poker coach is raising his rates. They are essentially doubling, which is a little problematic, because I'm running like shit already, and even if I was running normal the cost of the lessons would make it nearly impossible to pay for them from my bankroll alone, as I have been doing. So I've made a goal for myself to get back up to 100nl by March 1, when the rates go up. To do that I've got to put in a lot of hands. My goal is to play 30,000 hands of poker by the end of February. Its doable, although it will be difficult. Its been pretty rough so far because I just can't seem to put together a cohesive win streak. Its only a matter of time though, I'm sure.

Tomorrow we head to Denver for Cate's brother's wedding. This will be a lot of things...good is not likely to be one of them.

are we human

First off, as an aside, I'm loving the new Killers record. It wasn't much at first but has attached itself to my senses and forced me into submission. Now I must surrender and admit, I really like that damn record.

Its amazing how something as silly as Facebook has forced me to interact with people I haven't talked to in ages. I can honestly say that I miss them all. One of the things I'm learning is that not only do I fail at keeping in contact with people, but I largely suck at friendships. I'm working on being better, but that all takes time. I think my problem is that I like people, but I get really awkward being around them. I think that means I'm mentally unstable or something.

I'm feeling rather random today. That, unfortunately, is not the appropriate state of mind for preparing a proposal for a huge government contract. If you were with me right now this is where you would hear me sigh.

I was going to say something else but forgot. Stupid brain...

Ah ha! I remembered! So I played a short heads up match online yesterday and won a significant amount, which was good. However, I don't feel like I played very well and it really upset me. Who cares right? But the thing that was so weird is that after this long downswing, booking a nice two buyin win should be really awesome right? But the fact that I won it by playing what I suspect was bad poker annoys me and poisons the win. Even though that seems silly and perhaps bad, I can't help but feel that perhaps that's a good thing.

i need a dead owl

I don't know if its my nature or if its because I'm slightly A.D.D., but I just love how little things can distract me and make me happy. Here's the three little things that give me a jovial disposition this morning:

• I found and downloaded old songs from the band Twin Sister. They were an old alt/funk band that I listened too in high school. All they sing about is Star Wars. So awesome.
• My poker tracking software, Poker Co-Pilot (the ONLY tracking software for Macs) just added a c-bet frequency stat to their HUD. Most people reading this won't know what that means, but, basically, it means profit for me.
  
• I was listening to the new Ricky Gervais podcasts/audiobooks. Brilliant and funny. Amen.

All this adds up to a happy me this morning.

holiday remnants

I hate the week or so after the holidays where people still have their decorations up, and some stores still have Christmas music. I don't really know what it is, but as soon as the holidays are done, I just want to get it all out of the way. It just feels so cheap. I'm ready to start the new year, why isn't everyone else damn it?!

Things are coming back to reality overall though. The holiday's are over, we're all moved into the house, the extra money we had to fix up the house is basically dried up, and I'm going back to work regularly. Its really weird for some reason. I just feel so out of touch. Its hard to get motivated to do my work when I have these pressing issues on my mind. I just need to adjust I guess.

In other news, I got a Star Wars game for Christmas, which is a lot of fun. I'm all excited about Star Wars now and want to watch all the movies again. I haven't seen the new cartoon one though. Not sure if I'm interested or not.

We also just finished reading The Watchmen. It was very good and thought provoking. I strongly recommend reading it for everyone really. It was one of the first books to show super heroes as "human" and not so black and white, at least in my uninformed opinion.

baby new year

So its time for the obligatory end of the year recap/new year resolution blog. Every year we all make lists it seems like. We put things into categories that help us easily analyze our life. I remember one time Catherine and I were making a list and we accidentally called the list a "box", which is fitting. We like to keep memories in simple, easy-to-understand boxes that help us easily categorize our lives. Obviously life is much more complex than a list of highlights and lowlights. I wonder if we miss something in ourselves and others by relying so much on summaries and briefs.

Still, pretty much no one out there was there with me throughout the year and I don't have time to write a book, so a blog of lists it is. Without further adieu....

2008 highlights:

• Catherine has made some huge progress. She has her good days and bad days, but I can tell a big difference. She made some huge strides.
• In line with that, Catherine and I have been married for 5 years now and we're still crazy in love. I still can't get enough of her.
  
• Our house. We are officially home owners in one of the richest areas in America. I have no idea how it happened. One day we were content apartment renters, the next we were making an offer on a house. Then the story behind it just seemed to confirm that there is more to this than random chance. Every once in a while God seems to force his way into your life, despite your own desires, and make himself known. I can't help but think that this house is a promise. I feel like he's letting us know that he's taking care of us and he still loves us, even if we aren't acknowledging him.
• The Gantt family grew this year with the addition of little Samuel Gantt, my brother's new son. He's a cute little pudgie thing.
  
• Since I started getting serious about poker I have wanted a coach or mentor to help me grow as a player and weather the ebb and flow of variance. I finally found one through Deucescracked. I started having regular coaching sessions with Jared Kenworthy (jk3a) back in September I think and, while it is expensive, it is worth every penny. I have grown so much as a player and technically the lessons have paid for themselves. After the first couple of sessions I have paid for the sessions from my poker winnings. Ship it.
• We discovered some great new tv shows like Dexter, Curb Your Ethusiasm, and 30 Rock that have quickly become all-time favorites.
  

2008 lowlights:

• It was one of the toughest years of my life trying to care for Catherine. We both struggled so much almost every day to just ensure that she made it through each one. As a result, for much of the year we were in survival mode. Everything else took a back seat, even our relationship at times.
• The economic slow down, while it hasn't affected us too much, has affected a lot of people, and is scary in a lot of ways. I am the type of person that is generally optimistic about things, so I believe it will turn around soon. But there is a part of me that sees the future as very uncertain overall.
  
• It was a rough year for poker overall. The UIGEA regulations are beginning to be implemented, the World Poker Tour is declining, the cheating scandals at Ultimate Bet and Absolute Poker being exposed and subsequently being highlighted by the 60 Minutes show, which also painted online poker is such a negative light in general. The list goes on. There is some hope that with the Obama administration we can get the UIGEA overturned and legitimize online poker, but even that is just a hope at this point. What really happens remains to be seen.
  

And, finally, the resolutions for 2009:

• Get Catherine better.
  
• Get back to church, in some way and spend real time with God as much as possible.
  
• Take Catherine on more dates.
• Read more books and finish the ones I've started.
• Become a winning 100nl player and begin to take shots at 200nl.
• Play in at least one WSOP event.
• Play more guitar.
• Fix up my house.
• Eat healthier and exercise at least 4 times a week.
• Start going back to school to finish my degree.
• Get my CSP certification.
• Be a more thoughtful, aware person.