Monday, January 28, 2008

Duct Tape

In the interim between this and my last blog I've been working at a chemical plant, doing a "turnaround". I worked for 7 days straight, for a total of 85 hours. Needless to say, I'm very tired. It was a very busy turnaround as well. Usually I'm allowed some time to just think or read during the hours of downtime. But this time I was running around, solving problems pretty much the entire time. We use a lot of what we call "duct tape" to keep things together and make them work. But my dad and I are pretty good at it, so it works.

During the turnaround my wife was diagnosed. Its funny how something so simple as a name change can have implications that change everything. It's disconcerting is so many ways. You feel almost duped because what you were led to believe was something simple is now something much more complex and deep seeded. And its not that reality has changed, but the reality has always been this way. Our awareness has changed, which rocks you to the bone. Really though, there is nothing else to do but grit your teeth, squint your eyes, and strengthen your stance for the battle ahead. There is no other acceptable choice or alternative anymore. I am so thankful though for so many understanding people around us to help us.

In two days we go to Vegas again, for the first time this year. I'm very excited to relax, hopefully play a lot of poker, and eat some good food. Mostly though I just want to get away from everything. I haven't played poker in so long though, I just can't wait. I am probably going to be rusty, and with a limited bankroll, I will likely have to play a tight, solid game initially, at least until I get my game back. The hard part will be being patient playing against all the "regulars" at the venetian who are really just a bunch of nits (with some exceptions).

After seeing four out of the five movies nominated for best picture at the emmy's, the award goes to There Will Be Blood, with No Country for Old Men a close second.

Current music on the ipod: Radiohead - In Rainbows
Movie I really enjoyed that slipped under the radar and I'm not sure if too many others would enjoy it: Eagle vs Shark

Friday, January 18, 2008

you're never really as deep as you think you are

I'm here in Oakland, teaching a class right now on the safe way to handle chemicals. The students are doing an exercise right now and are toiling away, so serious, trying to formulate the proper strategy to deal with a release of some hazardous chemicals. How exciting for a safety geek.

Things are moving along in life in general. I feel like I've been so busy that I haven't had time to react to anything. I had hardly even had time to read the newspaper this week, which leaves me relying on the small snipets of information I get before work and during lunch (go McCain). The bad news is that it will only get worse next week with another turnaround on its way. This week was busy because of a variety of social obligations. Next week I will be 100% devoted to a small chemical plant in martinez. At least its only a week this time.

All this business has come at a really bad time too. Catherine is struggling right now and all I want is to be available to her for help. I wish I could just take it all away from her, but this is a worse torture, which teaches us to rely on God more I suppose. That thought is only a mild comfort.

I looked up my online poker screen name on Google and was interested to find that people are posting hands that I've played with them. Hands they lost and I won. Hands where they thought I was a bluffing maniac (sometimes true) but I wasn't, or I was and I still came out lucky. I also found that, as of right now, I'm a long term loser in the online cash games. This is disheartening, but really not that surprising. I know that earlier I let a number of factors influence my online game to the point that I become a donkey. However, I really feel like I'm much better, and, given the chance, I could turn those numbers around. I don't believe I will get that chance online anytime soon though. I just don't have time (or the taste) for online poker. Live poker is just far more interesting. Still, I really just want to play more.

I need to go be a teacher again. I miss my wife though. I was thinking in the shower this morning (I seem to do a lot of deep thinking in the shower) how lucky I am. Even with this horrible time, there is still no question in my heart, mind, or soul that the good outweights the bad. They're almost not even worth comparing.

Song that I have stuck in my head: Joni Mitchell - You're So Vain
Thing I want to do tonight: Go see Cloverfield before everyone spoils the suspense

Monday, January 14, 2008

the social scene has gone to the dogs

Another week begins and here I am at work, feeling rather productive because I've already accomplished a lot. We're preparing for the jaberwocky, known as the turnaround, which begins unofficially Saturday and Monday in earnest. This one will only be a week though, so it won't be so bad.

I had a pretty good weekend overall. On Friday night we had a poker tournament at Kevin's apartment. There was a pretty good turnout, for our area. We tend to only get between 6-8, but this one yielded 11 people. The blinds seemed like they were moving slow, but I always seemed to be below average in chips. I never really had great starting hands, but somehow had enough to stay alive. I was able to pull to a strong lead at around 5 handed, and didn't look back until heads up with Karen. The blinds were big and she was drunk. Karen is a very conservative player, but sometimes she'll show up with a hand you wouldn't expect. Anyways, I doubled her up with Kh10h vs her A9o. Then, when we were pretty close in chips, she limped on the button, which I knew meant she was weak (she was open shoving any time she had a good hand). So I shoved in the BB with Qh8h, and then nearly puked in my mouth when she snapped called me with the Q9o. So she doubled up again and crippled me. I grinded my way back up to a reasonable stack, but then got it all in with Q2 and she snap called with AA. oops. Oh well, I had fun and felt good about my 2nd place finish, given my run of cards.

Saturday we went to my folks house to have a birthday party for their now one year old bulldog, Winifred. As silly as it sounds, it was fun overall, I suppose. Afterwards we had Rob and Wanda over for a bit for a Wii party. Then Catherine and I got all adventurous and went to Best Buy to purchase a new vacuum, Assassin's Creed for the Xbox 360, and the new Radiohead. Afterwards we went and saw Sweeny Todd, which we both enjoyed overall. The movie certainly isn't for the squeemish. There was a LOT of blood and such, but the mixture of the whimsical and the serious and grotesque made for an entertaining movie. Its one I think I would like to see again though in order to fully appreciate.

Sunday Catherine and I just relaxed. We watched a weird psychological thriller called Joshua. Picture The Omen meets Hitchcock's indie son who's tired of living in his father's shadow. I'm still not 100% sure how I feel about that movie. It just felt like it tried too hard. But I'm not sure. After that we played Assassin's Creed and then read together. It was a good day overall.

I find that I forget a lot of things. I come up with these, what I feel at the time, profound ideas and promise to write them down or expound upon them in my mind or with others. But then I forget them later. It makes me wonder how much of my life I've just forgotten.

Currently listening to: Underoath - Define the Great Line
Thing I wish I would stop doing: Getting riled up over video games like I did when I was 8

Thursday, January 10, 2008

less long, yet substantial

I'm tired this morning. We haven't been sleeping well lately, starting with Monday night/Tuesday morning where we were both sick and Catherine fainted and bruised her face (i swear i didn't beat her...). Oh well. I suppose its not too bad. Things have been going well overall though. Catherine's new medicines seem to be having an effect on the short term stuff and she continues to battle against the long term stuff, so perhaps there is a light at the end of this long, dark tunnel.

We're going to Las Vegas for Catherine's birthday at the end of this month, which is very exciting. We haven't been there in a long time it seems (like two months really...we're spoiled) and I'm dying to play poker. A combination of the holidays, losing our bankroll (which was very much the holiday's fault), and me not playing online poker much at all anymore has made it so that something I used to do literally almost every day I do, at best, once every week or two. Its strange, but I think its for the best. Tomorrow night there's a poker night at the Meng's so that will be good to quench my fix for a bit. Hopefully the poker gods will be on our side because we could really use the money for Vegas at the end of the month.

Its funny how when you get older you realize what an idiot you were in your youth. I guess that's normal but the wisdom behind the whole "log in your eye" thing that Jesus spoke of is really being brought home to me as I examine my past, and some current, relationships. It just seems like a rule that whatever I criticize others for I myself am eternally guilty of. I have failed so many of my good friends because of my arrogance. What a terrible shame. I can only pray that even now I will be given the discernment to see where I am failing those around me,, the humility to acknowledge it, and the wisdom to correct it.

movie i watched last night: the good shephard
next tattoo idea: a sacred heart w/ an angel surrounding it.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

this is way too long.

There's been some interesting things happening in the world, so I thought I'd air my thoughts on a few things. Disclaimer: I am no where near an expert on anything, so my thoughts are largely useless and prone to much error. Read on at your own risk.

First off, the New Hampshire primaries ended last night with John McCain and Hillary Clinton as victors. Now, in reality, the primary itself isn't that significant. The real significance comes in momentum gains and losses for the various candidates. McCain and Clinton really needed the win first off. McCain's win comes as a defibrillator shock to his campaign. Even still its not certain if he'd make it, but if he didn't win it was certain he would have to bow out of the campaign. Now though, he has to hope that momentum alone will carry him, because, according to news reports, he's close to broke and doesn't have much of a national organization to take advantage of this win.

As for the others, Romney is in pretty bad shape. Two second place finishes in states he was a big favorite for not long ago. In my opinion, the next two states are a must win for him, or else we're going to wave bye bye to mister republican version of John Kerry.

Guliani and Thompson need to show some real movement upwards, with at least a second, I think, in order to stay competitive. Thompson will likely go away soon I imagine. Guliani has a lot of national support, but without much momentum he will begin to peter out soon unless he can pull something together.

Clinton pulled off a stunning win that will stave off utter defeat, I believe. For her this win keeps her in the game and established as the front runner. I believe that if she lost Obama would have so much momentum that it would be almost impossible to stop him. His campaign still has some oompf, but Clinton really has shown that she has staying power and I'm not sure that he can overcome that. I think it's becoming clear that Clinton will win the nomination. Obama is her only competition and the others are non-entities.

So it will be interesting to see what happens from here, especially on the republican side. Its amazing how much money is spent (wasted?) on these campaigns. But I suppose that's the nature of the beast.

In other news, there's a big debate now stemming from a confrontation Joe Sebok had with Isaac Haxton on Poker Road Radio. This has led to a huge thread on 2 + 2 about it with two sides battling. There are two competing arguments that I see. First off, the math game vs. the feel game, and the online players vs. the live players. In the thread players such as Daniel Negreanu, Barry Greenstein, and Daniel Alaei have, in my interpretation, come down on the side of basically seeing poker as a feel game rather than a math game, which somewhat, although not directly, puts them more on the side of the live players (although I think that the whole live vs online thing is pretty stupid, and the pros mentioned above generally agree. more on that later).

This is very encouraging to me, because I always felt that if poker were just a math game that could be "figured out", like blackjack, then it would quickly lose its interest. Instead, the game is more complex than that and I couldn't be happier. It reinforces my belief that poker is like life, so situational. There are situations that reappear and they are similar, but no two situations are 100% alike, and with life, as with poker, there are many different reactions to every situation. They are not black and white, but rather a spectrum. In poker, as in life, there are decisions that are clearly correct and clearly incorrect. But sometimes there are decisions that are good decisions, but perhaps not the best decision for that situation. The differences are subtle and complex, which makes life and poker more interesting. You can't box it and no one has it all figured out. I love it.

The live vs online debate is silly. Much has been said on the subject, but I want to add my two cents. They are two different animals in my opinion and saying which is the best is futile. That being said, I believe that the way online players act and react in the situation is directly connected to their median age. They tend to be younger, usually college aged. In my experience, people of that age, especially males, are arrogant and rash. I know this because I was, and still in many ways, this way.

Add to this the internet factor. If you look on online forums people are downright brutal. Why? Because its so easy to call someone an lifeless fucking asshole on an internet forum when you're hiding behind a computer with a fake name. In my own business I've seen adults say and do things to me in our online courses that they would never do in a live class, simply because they can hide behind technology. This makes the arguments over the online vs live more venomous at times. Granted, not all online pros are this way. In fact many of them, especially the very successful ones, show a lot of class. But all it takes is an hours perusal of online poker forums to see the immaturity of many of the posters.
Publish Post
Anyways, I've said enough. This has become a super blog. Most will not be this long, I promise. But you know what's great? Most of you have stopped reading anyways, so I can say pretty much anything I'd like, your lifeless fucking assholes.

Amen.

Currently listening to: Big Poker Sundays w/ Bob and Huff
About to do: Go have lunch with my wife

Monday, January 7, 2008

2007 is gone and a new blog is here

Hello world. This is probably my third or fourth attempt at one of these silly things. I'm not sure why I'm doing it exactly. I suppose that a big reason is because I tend to get my thoughts out better when I write them out. It forces me to focus instead of always "shooting from the hip", which is what I'm notorious for (probably only notorious to myself and a few others, but that's neither here nor there). There is also, I imagine, some measure of pride in having others read my thoughts. Some sort of validation. Whatever though. We're all arrogant in some ways, and perhaps by airing my arrogance I can become less so.

So I will begin this new blog by reflecting backwards, since it is somewhat close to the beginning of this year, and proper reflection seems to be in order. It was an extraordinarily difficult year, but a singular statement such as that never seems to capture the complexities of life stretched of a time so long as a whole year. You kind of have to be there to understand. Alas, most of you weren't. So I'll try to give highlights by pointing out the highs and lows of 2007, in no particular order.

Best of 2007
  1. Getting our new dog isabelle
  2. Our new tatoos
  3. My brother getting married and then his wife getting pregnant
  4. Getting to watch the WPT Bay 101 final table taping live
  5. Our trip to Vegas with Josh and Shawna
Worst of 2007
  1. Catherine's illness
  2. Chip Reese's death
  3. Colorado
And, with a look to the future, I've done a lot of thinking and here are some goals for 2008:
  1. Get healthier
  2. Eat better/less
  3. Exercise as much as possible
  4. Read more, especially non-poker books
  5. Develop a deeper relationship with God
  6. Go back to school and start to finish my degree
  7. No more online poker at work, unless I have nothing else pressing
  8. Try to play more live poker, at least every other week if possible
  9. Try to play in a major event. Either the upcoming WPT event at Bay 101 or a WSOP event
  10. Get more involved, at least intellectually, in politics and foreign affairs
  11. Take Catherine on more dates
  12. Keep spending time with the new and old friends we have
  13. Do whatever it takes to make Catherine better

currently listening to: paul simon - still crazy after all these years
current pick for president in election 2008: john mccain